you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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