you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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