wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
