I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Panties = found
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
