her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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