Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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