don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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