just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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