i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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