Yo dont text me then not text me
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
