Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
