So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
