in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
