VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
