I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
