she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
