my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think my vagina is haunted
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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