I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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