Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
