help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
