My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
