I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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