I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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