Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
