Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
