Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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