Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
