i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
