True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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