this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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