Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
