Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I have fence marks all over my body
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
