chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
