I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Randomize
