Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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