At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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