im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
