Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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