In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
