Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
PANTIES FOUND
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