im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
