Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
