I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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