Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
