well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
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His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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