I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
