I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
