you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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