I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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