I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
