who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
