I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
This is my gift to your gina
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
