I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
