Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
