What tipped you off? The sombrero?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
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Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
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I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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