So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
