Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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