The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
