We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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