Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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