great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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